


monster in your dreams

by lenisseok



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: (only in Buck's dream), Blood and Violence, Bucky Barnes Has Nightmares, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Character Death In Dream, Evil Steve Rogers, Kissing, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-07 02:01:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18400877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lenisseok/pseuds/lenisseok
Summary: nightmares for bucky are nothing new, but when one shakes him to his very core, it’s up to steve to bring him back to reality.





	monster in your dreams

**Author's Note:**

> this is the angsty stucky i crave! i feel like the 'bucky has nightmares' thing has been used a lot at this point, but i couldn't help myself.
> 
> hope you all enjoy!
> 
> [not beta'd. all mistakes are my own]

He could feel it cascading down his body, the stench overwhelming his senses.  He could see it, taste it, feel it. The blood.  _ His _ blood.

 

A whimper crawled its way up his throat but weakened around the gag drying up his mouth and soaking up most of the iron-tasting liquid.  The light overhead burned his eyes, but he couldn’t bring himself to close them. If he did, the pain would start again and the screaming.  He couldn’t stand the screaming. It never occurred to him that the tortured noises were coming from his own body.

 

“He is awake.  Let us begin,” a familiar voice tainted with a thick German accent barked.  Bucky’s body tensed. The pain was coming, he knew it was every time the voice spoke.  There was the faint sound of humming electricity and black turned to white. The screaming began again, muffled but loud in his ears.

 

Bile rose in his throat and, as the white faded, he could feel himself going as well.  Bucky could feel his consciousness slipping away from him, drowning out the sounds of torture and stench of sweat and blood.  But a sharp hand to his cheek brought everything back to him. The pain faded and the voice came back.

 

“Your screams never cease to amuse me, Mr. Barnes.  Now, I have a surprise for you. We have your good friend here and he’d very much like to say hello.”  The German’s voice was laced with sarcasm. Bucky knew nothing good would come out of the situation, but he cracked an eye open anyhow, taking in his dirty, bright surroundings.  

 

He could see his captor’s silhouette, but a second filled his vision - this one broader and much taller.  Bucky’s heart leaped at who it reminded him of. Steve. The second silhouette stepped forward and Bucky could have sobbed with relief.  It  _ was _ him.  He was undercover, ready to bust him out.  He was saved. He-

 

Steve smiled, but it wasn’t the kind, gentle smile that Bucky had grown accustomed to over the years.  There wasn’t the flicker of mischief in his eyes, instead, there was nothing but hatred. The smile was patronizing, condescending even.  Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed and he squirmed slightly under Steve’s evil glare.

 

“Yes, I’m sure you’ve noticed that your dear friend isn’t here to get you out of your current situation.  Instead, he’s here to help  _ me _ .  I must admit, I never thought I’d see Captain America turn to Hydra, but it works perfectly for us.  He so desperately wanted to see you, Mr. Barnes. Why don’t I leave the two of you alone to get acquainted?”  he chuckled and leaned forward, removing the gag from Bucky’s mouth before retreating. A door closed and all went silent.

 

Bucky watched Steve closely, trying to form questions, perhaps ask why he switched sides or why he didn’t look, but nothing came out.

 

Steve took a few steps closer.  “I’ve wanted to be alone with you for a month now.  The training they put me through was rigorous. They had to prove I was a loyal asset, but I feel I’ve proven myself well.”  A soft chuckle sounded and he leaned forward, a pair of dog tags on a chain around his neck swinging and clinking together softly.  “ _ This _ , Bucky, this is what I’ve been waiting for.”

 

“Are you- are you going to get us out of this?” Bucky asked, almost cringing at the sound of his hoarse, broken voice.  He never, ever wanted Steve to see him like this. It was bad enough when he first found him held down to a surgical table, completely out of it and prepared to die, but this was different.  Bucky wasn’t just prepared for death, he  _ craved _ it.

 

A sharp laugh made him jump slightly.  “Get us out? But Bucky, I’m exactly where I want to be!  Hydra helped me realize the everyday man is beneath me. Everyone is beneath me.  We’re gods. The sooner you accept that the sooner Hydra can move forward with their plans for you.”

 

Bucky stared at Steve with a look of disbelief.  “Accept Hydra? No! What the hell happened to you, Steve?  You’re good, you’ve always been good.”

 

He shook his head, the smile still playing at the corners of his lips.  “I was biding my time. If you really paid attention you would’ve known that.  You were wrong about me, Barnes. All wrong. This is your last chance to join Hydra, make it count.”

 

“I’ll never switch sides.   _ Never _ .”  Bucky could feel his lower lip tremble and a lump form in his throat.  He didn’t care about crying in front of Steve, maybe him seeing raw emotion would be enough to snap him out of the trance he was so obviously in.  He couldn’t turn so quickly. It had to be an act.

 

“Well, so much for being with me ‘til the end of the line,” he muttered, moving fast as lightning and clamping a hand around Bucky’s throat.  “I’m sorry you won’t be able to see the new world we’re building but then, maybe you don’t deserve to see it.”

 

Bucky writhed, trying to fight Steve off him.  He was too weak from the torture, from not having eaten in he didn’t know how long.  It was what he wanted anyhow. Death was fast approaching. He could feel everything… everything slipping.  His body slackened and he stared up at the face he loved so much. “ _ St- Steve _ ...”

 

Blackness.

* * *

  
  


The screams were back, filling the room and his ears.  He could feel hands on his soaking body, shaking him violently.  It wasn’t until he choked that it all came back to him. He was the one screaming… because of a nightmare.

 

Bucky opened his eyes, taking a moment to gather his surroundings.  The dresser and door in front of him blurred and shifted to the side before coming into focus.  He shifted his eyes to the left, another hollow scream pushing its way out of his throat as he moved, falling backward off the bed.  He didn’t stop moving once he hit the ground, stumbling to his feet and running, bare feet padding on the hardwood floor as he struggled to remember the layout of the apartment.  He had to get out… Get out… out. 

 

The sound of frantic footsteps approaching reached him as he slammed himself into the door, fumbling with the lock.  It creaked as he opened it, but a hand out of nowhere sealed it shut again as another spun him around, gripping him by the shoulders.

 

“Bucky!  It’s me, it’s Steve.  You just had a nightmare, it’s okay.  I’m here,” the voice said, concern and worry laced within one another.  It was the exact opposite of the Steve he’d witnessed in his nightmare and yet… 

 

He gripped the sides of his head, sinking back against the wall and sliding down slowly.  “No, no,” he moaned, voice just as broken as it had been in his dream. “You were there. You joined Hydra… You killed- you  _ killed _ me.”  His cheeks felt wet, but he didn’t bother to wipe the tears away, they’d only keep coming, keep reminding him how broken and scarred he was.

 

Steve dropped to his knees in front of Bucky, stroking his cheek and brushing stray brown hairs out of his face.  “I would never join Hydra. Deep down you know that, Buck. And you know I’d never harm you, ever.”

 

A sharp sob choked Bucky.  “You threw it back in my face.  I can still hear- God, I want to forget.  Make me forget. Please.”

 

The pain on Steve’s face was obvious, but it wasn’t registering in Bucky’s mind.  Instead, his expression was warped into the one he’d seen only a short time ago. He rocked his body back and forth, trying desperately to keep his gaze away from Steve.

 

“Look at me.”

 

Bucky shook his head once, biting hard on his lower lip to keep the sobs at bay.  He wanted to be frozen again or brainwashed. Anything to make him forget everything he’d seen.  Anything to forget the love of his life wrapping his hands around his throat and squeezing the life out of him with a sinister smile present on his face.

 

“Buck.  Please. Please look at me,” Steve whispered.  “ _ Please _ .”

 

The desperation in his voice forced Bucky’s eyes upward and he could see the tears streaming down Steve’s face too.  It was the extreme opposite of the Steve he’d witnessed in his nightmare. He could feel the hazy fog swarming his mind and making him see everything from his nightmare clearing.  Slowly, so slowly.

 

A small but relieved smile appeared on Steve’s face as if he could tell the fog was beginning to clear.  “I would never do anything to risk your life, let alone take it. I love you.” Bucky could feel his fingers intertwined through his, soft and warm.

 

Bucky choked again, the words ringing in his ears but not enough to force the nightmare from his mind.  “Say it again,” he whispered.

 

Steve rearranged himself, scooting closer to Bucky.  He lifted their joined hands, kissing each of Bucky’s weathered knuckles.  “I love you so much, Buck. So, so much.”

 

He hiccuped, leaning forward and touching his sweaty forehead to Steve’s.  “Again.”

 

A soft smile appeared on Steve’s face.  “Let me just show you.” He lifted his chin before pausing.  “Is it okay?”

 

Bucky nodded, keeping his eyes open as Steve closed the space between their parted lips.  As soon as they connected, the nightmare was pushed away into a dark nook located in one of the dusty corners of Bucky’s mind.  It wasn’t forgotten, not completely, but it was stored away. This was the real Steve. Full of love and hope. When they kissed, Bucky swore he could get better, that he would eventually move on from everything that had happened to him.

 

As long as Steve was by his side.


End file.
